Anticipation

For the third or fourth night on the trot I’ve been unable to sleep, energy pulsing through me all night. Meditation usually calms me, but right now I’m finding it difficult to let go.  During the day I’m finding it hard to concentrate on anything, I feel restless with anticipation, as if I’m waiting at the top of a roller coaster ride.  There is a buzzing, bubbling, fizzing feeling deep inside me; it runs from the centre of my chest to my root chakra, and sometimes in my fingers, toes & legs.  My heart is racing, sometimes I feel like someone is sitting on my chest and it's hard to breathe, I have a cold sore in a place where I haven’t had them for years, and sometimes I have a sensation in my ears as if I've just got out of the swimming pool and have water in them.  I don’t feel scared, but I do feel excited, and sense that there is something I need to know which is just outside my grasp that I’m not quite getting hold of.   I’m finding it impossible to settle down to my day job.

My husband was reading with the light on last night and I was struggling to drop off to sleep, so I decided to climb into my daughter’s bed, only to find my other daughter already snuggled up to her.  At gone midnight on a school night the two of them were still chatting to each other, despite numerous requests for them to go to sleep.  In my mind I said ‘Please make them go to sleep, they’ll be so tired in the morning otherwise’. Within seconds of this thought the two of them independently twitched in various parts of their bodies, like you often see dogs do when they are dreaming. And I swear that they were both snoring gently within a minute or so.

Interesting when I did an Internet search whilst lying awake in the wee small hours to see how many other people are awoken between the hours of 3 and 4 in the morning, when the world is at its quietest.

This morning I was kneeling down to light the fire when I had an overwhelming sensation that my great aunt, who passed away a decade or so ago but who worked as a spiritual healer and medium for many years, was with me – I felt a great flush of comforting warmth, kindness and compassion throughout my body.  It was almost as if someone, more than one person, was saying ‘Don’t worry, we’re with you. All will be well’.

I seem to be drawn to or to attract people who have been blessed with similar gifts.  Only this lunchtime I was at an impromptu get-together with neighbours to wish everyone happy New Year and our next door neighbour of 10 years confided that he is able to divine for water.

I can’t help wondering with gratitude why my materialistic ego was so cleverly drawn to all those books with names like ‘How to become a money magnet’, ‘Think and grow rich’, ‘Ask and it is given’ and ‘The science of getting rich’. Because the reality is that once you start reading you realise that there is a far deeper and more profound truth running through every one of those books in which financial abundance and security plays just a very tiny part.