Those of you who watch telly in the UK will know who I’m talking about, but for those uninitiated in ‘Eastenders’, Jean is a character who suffers with various mental illness/personality disorders and who frequently seems to hear voices. There have been times over this past week when I have wondered whether I am losing my own marbles, but, thank heavens for the internet these days, having done a bit of research the experiences I’ve had recently seem to be relatively common amongst people who meditate regularly or who use Reiki.
Since my Reiki attunement I often find myself at 4 am in those moments when I am definitely awake, but on the borders with sleep, watching pulsating clouds of vivid colours swirl past my eyes, a bit like the effect you get if you dip a paintbrush with paint on it in a glass of clear water. However, over the past few days I have had the impression that not only am I seeing ‘energy’ but that there is something, for arguments sake lets call them spirits, because I don’t have another word to describe them, trying to explain something to me. A few nights ago, whilst in a deeply relaxed state but very much awake I was enjoying the healing and loving sensations that accompany these colours when I started to ‘hear’ blocks of thought inside my head. I heard them in much the same way as I would my own thoughts but they just seemed out of context, out of place, like they weren’t my own thoughts. I had the impression someone, multiple someones in fact, was ‘talking’ to me, but couldn’t quite get a handle on it; what was coming through was too muddled with my own thoughts.
In my mind I said ‘This is all very well, but I can’t work out what is you speaking and what are my own thoughts, you need to make this easier for me’. Almost immediately, when the next block of thoughts came through they were accompanied by a wave of energy that swept through my entire body, deep, warm, reassuring, loving, bordering on sensual. I can’t claim to understand any better what was being communicated although at one point I ‘heard’ part of a man or boy’s name that bears no relation to anyone I know (Michael somebody…). I’m none the wiser, but nevertheless I felt that someone was trying to tell me something.
At one point, I felt that I was hovering way above my body. I couldn’t see myself, like you often read when people describe such out of body experiences, but there is no doubt in my mind that I was separate from my physical self.
Some moments later – and this may have been a dream – I found myself briefly looking down at a scene from many centuries ago. There was a man and a dark haired boy, dressed as if they had come from Roman times. I can’t say any more, it was very fleeting, and may well have been imagined. But given that it happened around the same time as the other sensations I’m noting it here because my instinct is that it was linked. I’m certainly not usually given to such vivid dreams.
So there you have it. I genuinely believe this to be a real experience, not some sort of hallucination. I told my husband about (parts of) it the morning afterwards; he looked at me like I’m losing the plot! (But then later went on to tell other family members about how great, if odd, his experience of Reiki massage has been). If nothing else it might help the psychotherapists when they have to analyse me! I’m sure there will be plenty of people who will dismiss this as ridiculous attention-seeking. But there will equally be others who understand my journey, and who ‘get’ my compulsion to share.
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