Continuing daily miracles

Day after day I am witness to fascinating new miracles.  These past few days have left me in awe.  I am now on day 11 of my 21-day self-cleanse after my 2^nd degree Reiki attunement.  Regular readers of this blog will know I had breast cancer a couple of years ago, which was treated with a tumorectomy, chemotherapy, ‘booster’ radiotherapy (a trial in which radiation dosage is increased for ‘younger’ women with certain types of cancer) and I am now well into a 5-year programme of hormonal therapy. I responded particularly badly to the radiotherapy and was badly burned, so much so that the nurses struggled to find the markers they had tattooed on me under the burns. More than two years down the line I still had a large dark brown square over my left breast, extending from my breastbone to my armpit and lots of thick, lumpy scar tissue under my arm and under my breast.  I have suffered with quite considerable lymphoedema in my left hand and arm, causing localised fluid retention and tissue swelling. I have been told that this is an ‘irreversible condition’ which has to be managed rather than treated.

Five days ago in my self-Reiki sessions I felt guided to treat my left breast as well as the chakra points that I had been treating every day.  Almost immediately my breast started getting really itchy. The following morning the brown mark had visibly faded. I spent much of the next couple of days running backwards and forwards to the bathroom and flashing my boob at the mirror where I was excited to see the burn mark disappearing on an hourly basis.  I have continued to treat it each day and five days later there is only a tiny patch of darkened skin remaining, much lighter than previously, and close to disappearing.  In the early hours of this morning I felt guided to touch the scar tissue (I did not massage it, although I did press down firmly in one or two places for several minutes at a time). This morning when I awoke more than three quarters of the lumpy scar tissue is now smooth (it had felt like small peas under the skin along the line of the scar previously). I swear the scarring itself has diminished and my lymphoedema seems markedly improved.  This could be quite strange, because up until now every time I have given a treatment my left hand swells up like a balloon; I find it strangely comforting.  I saw my lovely surgeon only a couple of weeks ago and my consultant has some fairly recent photos of the mess my breast was in, so I can’t wait to go back and give them an update.

I have been having a bit of a mental battle with the amounts of energy I am feeling and have had many questions about how ‘normal’ this is for Reiki practitioners.  It seems that the majority of healers feel the energy primarily in their hands, or sometimes in specific areas of their bodies, and that they are not aware of it all the time.  I am constantly aware of a tingling sensation in what seems like every one of my cells, a constant shifting and pulsing throughout my body.  At certain times it is far more powerful and I feel waves of energy surging upward from my feet, via my root chakra and up my spine, spreading throughout my body.  I had a long drive yesterday and filled the time listening to this Eckhart Tolle video on YouTube Living Luminaries - Eckhart Tolle which made me realise that there is nothing to worry about.  I just seem to have become beautifully aware of what is going on inside my body, things which have almost certainly been going on unnoticed by me since I first arrived in this body.

I am also starting to realise that I am picking up on other people’s energy.  Yesterday I sat with clients, two of whom have had many years of illness and personal problems.  Let’s just say they were not the most joyful of people to be around.  Despite the central heating my legs felt like blocks of ice under the table and I felt physically drained when I left them (even though the meeting was a successful one).  I have been reading up on how to manage this, and tried to imagine each in breath was of cleansing, positive energy and then breathing out their negativity with each exhale.  It seemed to help. I have struggled on and off since I was a teenager with depression and mood-swings.  I can go out feeling joyful and come back feeling glum with no real explanation for my change in mood. As much as I love people, I have always craved my own space; I feel much more at ease when I’m alone and love nature and solitude. It has made me wonder whether I have always unconsciously picked up on other people’s energy; whether a lot of the ‘baggage’ I was carrying around wasn’t actually my own (if this makes sense) and it is only now that I am aware of it. Empaths, I’d be grateful for your advice.

Coming out

I stumbled upon an article on the Internet, targeted at gay and lesbian Christians, the other day called ‘Coming out’.  It provided food for thought, coming as I do from a family who are neither religious nor spiritual, because explaining the profound changes I have been experiencing over recent months has been quite a delicate matter. 

There have been so many changes in my day-to-day behaviour. I have pretty much given up alcohol, feeling that I have all that I need from my new spiritual lifestyle – I feel so much more vibrant and alive without it. But try to explain that to an incredulous family for whom drinking is at the heart of every social get-together, especially when it wasn’t usual for me to sink several bottles of wine each week.  This renowned carnivore now prefers to eat veggie dishes where possible (although I haven’t given up meat altogether) and has suddenly started buying organic milk and the like.

I make time to meditate every day, and have endured many an odd look when I take myself off somewhere quiet to do my self-Reiki, or walk away from a confrontation I’d previously have relished getting my teeth into. My reading over the past few months has consisted largely of spiritual or holistic books, and I’m intrigued by this new meta-physical world I’m starting to discover.  The fact that my name does not feature anywhere in this blog sits somewhat uncomfortably for me, although I suspect this may change in the very near future.  On the one hand I am keen to pass on the message and tell everyone about this wonderful, magical new life I have found. But I’m also very conscious that, particularly in the UK and this part of Europe, it is a bit too ‘woo-woo’ for many of the people who surround me, and to be openly linked to this spiritual world might even have an adverse effect on my existing business.

My husband and children have gradually become accustomed to my new lifestyle; my two girls are as intrigued as I am and are really keen to learn more themselves.  My husband has witnessed too many coincidences on a daily basis and is now one of my greatest advocates.  Each time a friend or neighbour grumbles about an ache or pain he is the first person to suggest they give Reiki a try.  We have just come back from a weekend back in the UK with my mum, and it’s all been a bit too much for her.  I try to explain that I feel like I am constantly plugged into a source of energy, and that I sense the energy of other people and she looks at me a little oddly.  Then I tell her that I see colours and have thoughts that I know are not my own and she looks alarmed and wonders if I might have the beginnings of a brain tumour.   Suggest that we all have the capacity to heal ourselves as part of our birthright, and that I feel we are all connected and I’m accused of being downright delusional.  We popped in for a coffee at my aunt’s shop and she immediately introduced me to one of the girls working there (an introduction for which I’m extremely grateful) saying ‘You’ll get on really well. She’s into all that weird stuff like you’.  But gradually, gradually they are all coming round as they see the changes with their own eyes, hear of or experience first hand the effectiveness of the treatments.

I am seeing the colours more clearly with every day that goes by.  I gave a Reiki treatment to a neighbour for her bad back and although she didn’t feel anything happening I saw very vividly a liquid gold colour flowing down my arms and into my hands throughout the treatment.  This morning I looked at my step-dad’s hat collection, which is displayed on his bedroom wall, and I could see a light blue circle around two of the hats – the two which he wears the most regularly.  Almost as if they’ve retained some of his energy, or have an energy all of their own.

What I love most about Reiki

I think that one of the things I love most about my wonderful new gift is the look of surprise and astonishment, the tiniest glimmer, a seed, of understanding that I see on people’s faces as they step down from my massage table.

Yesterday I gave a treatment to a farming friend of the family, a man who is generally very laid back and chilled about life, someone with a huge heart and generous spirit, but who is now suffering all the aches and pains that go hand in hand with living such a physical life.

He has suffered from back pain for many years and has tried the usual range of physiotherapists, osteopaths and chiropractors with limited success.  Interestingly, he uses a ‘Rebouteux’ for his cattle (I can’t find a translation, but it is a form of spiritual healing and bone-setting that was widely used in France in the Middle Ages until the inquisition pushed it underground).

It was one of those sessions where I was having the sort of conversation in my head that goes along the lines of ‘Of course there’s something happening, it’s not up to you, get out of the way and let the energy do it’s thing’ ‘But I can’t feel anything, can’t you at least give me a bit of a sign that something’s happening’. Sound familiar, lightworkers? And when I asked, quite clearly he was not feeling anything particularly dramatic either. Of course, these days I understand that, regardless of what we feel, the energy will be working on the best level possible.  Whether there are immediate results or it takes some time, something will be happening for the benefit of the person receiving the treatment.

Even as he was climbing down from the massage table he was saying ‘Well thank you for your time, it was the thought that counts, maybe something will work.’ Then his feet touched the floor and I saw that look, that question in his eyes. The shift of his body, first one way and then the other as he tested out a movement, a position. Another subtle little dance as if to confirm that he hadn’t been mistaken. And then the wonder in his eyes as he turned to me to say ‘My lower back doesn’t hurt, it feels much more supple’.  Which always seems to be followed by a statement along the lines of ‘Of course, it might not last, but it’s great for the moment’, because it’s simply too amazing for us mere humans to comprehend.  And to which my response is a gentle, knowing smile and a huge inward ‘THANK YOU’.

A trip to the supermarket

I have just had the most surreal experience in the supermarket.  Aside from the familiar energy buzzing through me non-stop people kept turning towards me and smiling or nodding as if they knew me.  Virtually everyone.  It was as if they recognised me from somewhere, or perhaps they just sensed on some unconscious level the joy and contentment I am feeling.  I had to check in the car mirror that I didn’t have food down my chin or a big bogey or something.  Quite extraordinary.  Or maybe I’m just seeing them properly for the first time.

Reiki ll

Finally, finally I made it to my Reiki ll course. I’ve been itching to go for a while now but with one thing or another I had to keep putting it off; either the money wasn’t there, the car was off the road, I was too busy at work or we had something else on. After what seemed like a really lengthy wait the course was finally arranged for this Monday, only to wake to find the roads were too treacherous with recent snow and ice, and Laura, my Reiki Master was in bed shrugging off a heavy cold.  I was really disappointed that the course was postponed, and spent one of those days (quite rare at the moment) when nothing seems to go right and I felt completely lethargic.  The course was rearranged for the following morning. As usual I woke around 3 am, but this time brimming over with energy and realised that there was a beautiful full moon. I reckon that course was meant to happen when it did.

What a wonderful, wonderful, wonderful day I spent. As much as anything it was just lovely to have the day to bounce a million questions off Laura and spend the day chatting to someone who completely understood what I have been living over the past few months. She’s only in her forties but I reckon she’s a very, very old soul; she speaks such wisdom.  I came away from my day with a great sense of clarity (and a very long reading list!).  The most significant moment for me was when Laura looked me directly in the eyes and said that she had been teaching Reiki for fifteen years and that what I was experiencing was very rare; most of her students didn’t feel the Reiki with the intensity that I have been, and that she had felt from my first attunement that healing is to play a very important role in my life.  I think I have known it for some time, but I didn’t dare believe it could be true.

Most of the day was spent learning about and practising the sacred symbols. As you know, I’d already picked up quite a bit via the Internet and had started using them for distant healing with some success.  I quickly realised (as I had suspected) that I had only a rudimentary understanding.  Many of the fundamentals had been missing, and I came away with what I can only describe as a profound reverence of them.

The day finished with my attunement, just one this time, as opposed to the four attunements during my Reiki l.  It was beautiful, and very, very powerful.  I saw the colours in the same way as during my Reiki l but the energy was extremely strong.  At one point I felt like someone was sitting on my chest and back, pushing them together.

Of course, I couldn’t wait to put what I’d learned into practice, so that evening I gave my husband a Reiki massage.  For the first time ever I could see the energy rippling over his body and shimmering, pulsing, a bit like when you look at the sun shining on the sea on a hazy day.  I cleansed my crystals (which I am also now starting to see in a whole new light, as partners and friends as opposed to mere objects) and the heat that came off them when I did so was quite astonishing. I also did a distant healing for my sister-in-law in the UK who has been troubled by arthritis very young (and received email confirmation the following morning that she had spent a pain-free evening). I felt far more connected to the energy, and more rapidly, and can definitely sense it more strongly (which I hadn’t thought possible).  There is no doubt that the symbols feel more powerful when used in an informed way. 

When meditating I have felt a tightening around my forehead like something is busy working away on my third eye chakra.  I now have to give myself a self-Reiki for 21 days, in much the same way as I had to when I did my first attunements.

A calling

I’ve ummed and ahhed about blogging about this, because I’m sure it will seem totally wacky and off the wall. But the bottom line is that I’ve promised myself that this will be an honest blog so promise you won’t get me committed to the loony bin if you plan to read on.  I want to assure you that I don’t wear cheesecloth and am as sane as the next person (well, most of the time anyway).

For several days and nights I kept having a recurring, nagging what I can only describe as an ‘urge’ to go to the Mont Saint Michel (thankfully I don’t live too far away).  I kept dreaming about it, it kept popping into my head during random ‘quiet mind’ moments such as when I was driving the car thinking about nothing in particular. I also kept inadvertently coming across texts about ley-lines and places particularly charged with energy and found myself sending ridiculous messages to faraway friends urging them to respond to any instincts they might be having to go to places they may be feeling drawn to. In the end the compulsion was so strong that, learning as I am to trust my inner guidance, I actually sent my clients off viewing on their own (I’m an estate agent) and drove to the Mont Saint Michel.  When I arrived the wind was absolutely glacial and was howling across the bay, the type of biting cold that physically hurts. As I got out of the car I fell to the floor, ripping my trousers open and grazing both my knees. Ok, this is the bit that sounds delusional; I felt as if I had been pushed, as if something was trying to stop me going further.  I actually found myself looking all around me to see who was responsible, but of course in weather like that I was alone in the car park.  I had a determined little voice in my head that kept insisting ‘Keep going, keep going’ and I thought to myself, in somewhat stronger language than I would care to see in print ‘I’ve come this far, I’m not backing down now’. It was a long walk to the top in a ridiculously strong wind that was almost powerful enough to blow me over the higher I got.

Eventually I reached the sanctuary of the abbey itself, and there, fittingly close to a statue of the Archangel Michael whom I have regularly asked for assistance during recent weeks, I just sat. I sat there for a couple of hours and aside from a short prayer at the beginning and the end I just cleared my mind and waited. I don’t know what I was expecting after all the drama of getting there.  There were no bright lights and incredible revelations, no voices or obvious messages.  But on two separate occasions during my meditation I felt gently but physically jolted, enough to make me come to with a start (in much the same way that sometimes in a dream you wake suddenly because you’re falling) and on both occasions I had the sensation that something had entered my body.  It wasn’t overwhelming, in fact it was very modest, but nevertheless I am left with the very strong conviction that I had been given two gifts.  I have absolutely no idea whatsoever what they are, but I am certain that if I am patient all will become clear.  And at the very least I spent a peaceful afternoon recharging my batteries and getting my thoughts back in order. OK, end of my ramblings, there’s a nice, cosy straitjacket calling me…

Solar flares

I had planned to write about my Reiki II session yesterday (and I will), but I was stopped in my tracks when I received a link to a video of the recent solar flare yesterday in an excellent French astrology newsletter (the full newsletter is here http://www.danielleclermont.com/dotclear/index.php?2012/01/31/92-bulletin-meteoastro-du-1er-fevrier-2012 for those of you who read French – it merits translation so I will make a stab at it and post it when I get time). It seems to discuss the energies of the month with great accuracy.

This video of the solar storm http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=or-AWYMb-k0&feature=player_embedded completely blew me away and made things so much clearer for me.  No wonder energy sensitive people all around the globe (myself included) were feeling so much turbulent energy and sending their computers on the blink all the time.  I have checked back through these diaries and the dates of this particular solar storm correspond exactly with what I was feeling at that time.

I also found a few other similar videos linked on YouTube.  This one of the Northern lights in Alaska in particular took my breath away: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZuXLGuPPgd4&feature=related. This is exactly what I see when I have described here the wonderful array of colours, the 'clouds', that visit me in the early hours of the morning, and which I frequently see if I shut my eyes whilst healing (as well as solid ‘blocks’ of colours).

I haven’t been able to get the videos out of my head since. They have certainly put paid to any wondering whether the energy will be strong enough to heal a certain ailment, or if I ask it to treat several people at once whether it would be too big a demand. It truly is limitless.

Messages

I reckon I should have called this blog ‘My Awakening Diary’ rather than ‘My Reiki Diary’.  When I first sat in front of the keyboard I had a somewhat misguided idea that this would be quite a clinical account of what I witnessed during the Reiki treatments I was present at, what worked, what didn’t, anything of particular note. Instead it bears witness to the most profound changes that are taking place in my life on a spiritual level.

On a physical level I feel as if my entire body is being syringed with love and compassion, so that there is no room left in me for anything else.  At times it is pure, blissful joy, at other times it is almost uncomfortable, like when someone won’t stop tickling you, except that it goes on for hour after hour. The energy I have felt over the past few days has been incredibly powerful and I know that many others (and am I right in thinking that most of them are women?) are feeling the same way. Over and over I read of women all over the world who are experiencing the same sensations, who are struggling with an urge, a drive, a compulsion to change their careers from ‘sensible’ well-paid jobs in order to do things such as helping the homeless or campaigning for the environment; sane, rational women, doctors, and lawyers and professional people suddenly starting to post on ‘Inner Goddess’ forums and the like.  The exhilarating speed of it all is at times almost overwhelming.

On the Reiki front I am witnessing miracle after miracle. My friend who has been without feeling in his foot and his arm since his stroke three years ago can now feel four toes and can balance on one leg unaided, which was previously impossible.  The feeling in his arm is starting to come back. My horse’s kicked, cut & swollen leg is already completely healed. I was at a house with clients and their aged dog, who is normally very nervous of strangers and who was walking lop-sided (also after a stroke), came and lay down on my lap and let me hold his head. I’m unlikely to see him again, but I just know that there was significant healing taking place. Family have commented that the distant healing I am sending them is making a difference. My father in law, who has bowel cancer that is now on his liver and lungs, said he has been feeling twitching & energy pulses in a place that is probably best left unmentioned. My mother-in-law who has been struggling by on anti-depressants says she has a spring in her step. Universally, everyone I have treated has reported having more energy after the session. I am more conscious than ever of stepping back and letting the energy do its thing, but at the same time I am becoming more aware of other people’s pain. I feel it physically in my own body. A neighbouring farmer had shoulder pain; I felt it too (and am in awe that he has put up with it so cheerfully for so long). I seem to know instinctively where something hurts or where energy is blocked. I am seeing the colours of the aura far more easily now although I still have to learn what they mean. There seems to be much more energy flowing throughout the treatments too. I can put my hand gently on one part of someone’s body, only to witness twitching, gentle spasms and muscle contractions somewhere entirely different.  It is witnessing these miracles, and feeling the strong physical sensations when giving a Reiki treatment that keep me from thinking I’m going round the bend and imagining it all.

I have been unable to sleep at night; instead I lie (literally) buzzing, with my head full of guidance, the energy pulsing, ebbing and flowing. A Facebook friend posts a video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7yaUih2KSqc&feature=related (check out the lyrics) as if to confirm that I’m not the only one experiencing these nighttime wonders.  I pick up my iPhone to read and time upon time I am guided to something that shouts ‘read me’, and when I do a million pennies simultaneously seem to drop into place. This, for me, has been the most amazing part. Over and over I have in my mind that I am a ‘healer, lightworker, writer, messenger’.  ‘Why a healer?’ I ask myself and am immediately answered ‘The world needs lots of healers.  You must shine your light so hard that there is no room for darkness’. Over the past few years I have lived through many difficult experiences, but now I can’t help wondering if they weren’t all for a reason, and at whose instigation.  Whether the problems I encountered were actually of my causing, and whether I ever had any control over the outcome.  I ask whether there is any truth in this gut instinct and the next page I turn to on the internet reads:

‘People often wonder why their lives are so challenging.  Sometimes, our doors are shut as a deliberate attempt by our spiritual guidance system to get us to focus our attention on God.  This is how most people come to find God.  When their lives become hopeless they finally look to Him to remove the obstacles.’

All around me people seem to be being pushed to breaking point in some way, shape or form as things crumble around them.  From the collapse of the financial markets, the riots in Egypt, tragic accidents and disasters, famine, poverty or fighting serious illness, everyone seems to be touched at some level. I sense that we are on the cusp of the most miraculous year ever known on this planet. And we are all part of it. Everywhere I look I read people writing about channelling with angels, articles that only weeks earlier I would have dismissed as completely ludicrous but now their messages seem to make perfect sense.  For example, this message popped up in my Twitter timeline but could have been written in answer to all my questions and fears: http://trinityesoterics.wordpress.com/2012/01/29/surrender-flow-and-three-bean-salad-channeled-january-28-2012/. 

I can’t help but believe that we are at the beginning of some wonderful transition, and I sense on a deep level that the spirit of Christ/God is back on this earth, but this time not embodied in one man but spread throughout many of us. I thought long and hard before I wrote that, because (aside from the fact that it seems a bit batty and overly religious) it seems verging on the blasphemous to suggest that I and many, many others might have the spirit of God inside us.  But I can’t shake the way I feel. Like a wonderful Divine love has been breathed into and throughout my body. And of course, I’m gently led to another page on the internet which reassures me that I’m not alone in this belief:  ‘In the last days’, said God, ‘I will Pour out my spirit upon All people.’ Acts 2:17.

It is only the beginning and I read with fascination that one of the roles of the lightworker is to prepare the way for the rest of mankind. 

‘In the macrocosm of the World, the transition from one sign of the zodiac to another happens every 2160 years. The last time this occurred was during the time of the man named Jesus, when all of humanity transition from the sign of Aries, into the current sign of Pisces’.

Apparently, we are now moving into the age of Aquarius and the implications are profound:

http://hiddenlighthouse.wordpress.com/category/age-of-aquarius/

(please note, I do not have the slightest understanding of astrology beyond the fact that there are twelve signs of the Zodiac)